Hello, and yes as you might’ve figured from the title, my IPPE Mocks have started. My maths one went alright except I defiantly messed up at least 7 questions, English was alright too actually but I did feel like I ran a marathon after because of my heart racing from anxiety. Yeah most of my cardio comes from anxiety to be honest. But ill be honest the IT exam made up for it, it was absolutely brilliant. But Anyway onto better things, I’m starting that ocean theme on my cupboards
I’ll update when I’m finished hopefully. I’m starting to like how this is turning out, I’d thought I’d be awefull as I haven’t really painted the sea before
And I didn’t know if the paint would cooperate with the door surface. But its alright actually. I’m also facing my age old nemesis this weekend; drawing hands.
My Exam Piece revolves around it slightly, and now due to this reasearch I think i mightve devoloped a slight hand fetish and also realised my crush has the best ones I’ve ever seen… Goddamn it im already providing waaay too much unnessesary information on here.
yes, yes i hear all the groans already i just want to compare this site and tumblr. i do have an account there yes, but only because i do read alot and fictional characters/ words were my first ‘love’ you could say, and obviously when i found a community that felt the same i felt like i belonged. and most of them had tumblrs, so i joined only hearing good things about it. yeah its not bad, but good lord is it a shit-storm once you look underneath the rug. its just all very intense, from the very layout of the website, to the people. now theirs nothing particularly wrong with that but sometimes its exhausting, and when it goes too far, my god they dont just take steps, they leap. one small mistake, your tainted as a useless bug forever. its kind of sad seeing how quickly this place that had brought so much joy to them, becomes a hell of continuous anon hate. here its much more… chill is the only word to use for it. Serene and calming almost. i mean it kinda still has that social justice and equality vibe but a more reasoned and less aggressive. it feels like here you aim to educate and not put down because someone is not. i hope im not wrong. i really like this site so far, it feels almost like an online journal. i still use tumblr, but i dont have anything of my own posted on it. its mainly just an entertainment site for me now. i know its silly, and putting my thoughts out there is just a useless shout into the thick vortex that is the internet, but i made this blog on the intention i would make this for me, anything i need to get out will be here and some some memories i might want to look back on. i really dont want to be a blogger looking to be famous or anything silly like that, and i hope stuff like follower numbers wont bring me down. But yeah, this blog feels well and truly mine, my own personal shout into the void
I painted my wall as the plain baby blue of my walls hurt my eyes. What do you think?
I’m also going to do an ocean theme on my plain cupboard doors too, ill update when I’m finished. My IPPE exams are on Monday though so I’ll work on it after, right now I need to study English, science and Media.
That’s my English work, I apologize for my abomination of a handwriting, ill try to be more neat next time. Also try to stop my hand from running off and creating those useless doodles 😅
My sister (I’ll call her M) and mom got me a new book, looks interesting but the blurb could have been done better in my opinion, I’m not a writer unfortunately so I can’t judge. Also why aren’t the blurbs at the back of books anymore, its only full of lazy praises from newspapers now which I really don’t care about. But hopefully this will be a good read, maybe I could review it? Is that done here? I might do it anyways
Well I embarresed my self in front of the whole school school today morning, yep… Defiantly a sign your day is going to go brilliantly. The start of my day can be described in one word; tired. I was up all night watching my guilty pleasure, Glee. So my mind was not working properly as its not been this whole year, I keep reading things wrong, I’m missing deadlines, and I’m just constantly screwing up everything that I touch. Basically I felt very crappy that morning. So our school doesn’t really allow phones but everyone brings them anyway and the teachers know but don’t really care. I didnt really find the point of bringing it in really but today I thought I would because I wanted to top up my phone in one of the shops on the way to school. Bad mistake. Yeah, I can see you know where this is going. So we have year assemblies that are basically the same all the time “Exams, be successfull, blah, blah, blah”, sometimes their okay but only on rare occasion’s, so yeah as we were going in, and my friend spotted that my skirt was inside out, thank god. I say that because I don’t think people had noticed yet but if I went throughout the day like that without knowing I think I would probably break my streak of “days gone without a panic attack”. But I was still embarresed, but I was trying to tell myself there’s a crowd everyone’s bunched together, its fine, nobody’s noticing you, you can change afterwards quickly and I started to chill finally as I was getting in my chair in the hall as it covered my skirt. I kinda drifted off for a minuite of two admiring my crush’s hand structure while simultaneously listening to a friend. Suddenly a loud high-pitched Chinese/Japanese song starts in my area, in this huge silent hall full of people. At first I didn’t realise, when I did however, honestly, I almost had a heart attack. I swear those 5-8 seconds of desperately praying it wasn’t as loud as I thought and fumbling around in my pocket were the longest and most terrifying moments in my life. My phone alarm was going off… In assembly… With my whole year group… Wow… As my friend put it so eloquently “this mornin’ is just not going your way, is it?”. By some miracle, the teachers didn’t hear it. I don’t know, maybe the ones that did hear felt sorry for me or something, I don’t know but, my god , was I relieved. So I think only three tables heard it… A third of the school now knows I’m a weirdo and a joke . BUT GUYS, the rest of the day was not nearly as bad, and the day ended wonderfully with art and a proper conversation with my teacher (you have no idea how hard that is to find for me, I’ve only had a proper conversation with three people in my school //and by proper I guess a kind of mean an intelligent discussion, ¯°_o)/¯ I don’t know, I like them//).
So yeah it wasn’t terrible, and I’ve just had pizza that’s why the world doesn’t seem so bad rn…. Its really selfish in a way, your tummy full being all I care about. Goddamn it now I feel awefull, I have to go paint so I stop myself thinking as its not going to suddenly make the world perfect.
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Have you guys ever had a sort of surreal experience where you realize that you are the only one looking through your eyes
what if everyone around you is just a clever simulation what if the only one really alive is you?
how can you be sure you exist, what if your just asleep and your ‘dreams’ are glimpses of the horrible reality that out minds have dimmed out to ease it all
I don’t know, I think like this a lot… Its not very healthy really, but great for story ideas. Kinda sounds like the matrix now that I read it again. Why on earth am I thinking about this… Oh yeah studying. I was studying I swear, I just kinda wondered off
You see? Physics, and ice cream. You woud be surprised how well they go together.
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Exams Well those are looming now... And I think I can safely say, I am stressed. In fact, I've stressed and procrastinated my revision and study so much so, I've even gone so far as to actually exercise and, do things.
Shoking i know, I think its scaring my family a bit.
but i know I have to get it together now. So, I thought I'd record my study "life" to motivate me hopefully so yeah, hopefully there's a lot of these. Study then blog on breaks. See you then
I'm ready to hit the books
((metaphorically and probably literally))
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This is just me writing about my happy day, its not going to be funny or interesting unfortunatly, just a little warning for you. Well, I was going to post this descriptive piece of writing I’d written, but overlooking it now I think it needs a bit more work. Now I was a bit unrationally mad yesterday, I apologise. But it feels as if today more than makes up for yesterday though, as it was pretty good. I managed to sort out that Evaluation and only have a para left that I’ll do early in the morning then give it in. You know those moments where you just look back on every mistake you’ve and just cringe eternally? Well today I have one less cringe moment as the person who its about, seems like he doesn’t hate me after all! this person is pretty awesome, and hes just like one of those cuddly nice people, you know? but unfortunately I tend to… Malfunction whenever I’m around awesome people. Yeah he said hello, and I froze because of the amount of people there (we were waiting for a late teacher) and said nothing so it looked to everyone there that I just blatantly ignored him. I felt awefull, honestly if my social anxiety was a person I would give it a well earned slap. So yeah from that point onwards that just replayed in my head over and over and over, but thankfully a makeshift conversation between us put a stop to my stupid worry. Also I got full marks on my Listening & Speaking 😀 I’m actually so happy, I thought I completely fluked it as i mumble constantly and I probably can’t pronounce half the words in the English language but I got through! Speaking of that, people seem to think I speak very posh… Ok I don’t speak like some wanna be gangster chav, but that doesn’t mean I’m ‘posh’… Maybe its because of my slight american accent? I don’t know.
But yes, today was a good day and I’ve just finished three cheese sandwiches. So I’m going to bed happy right after I finish painting my wall (yeah I got tired of the boring white, so I’m painting something else on it in different coloured paint)
PS- if anyone is reading, any advice on how to improve my language or communication skills here would be really awesome
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Well today was aweful, and seeing as I’m British, I suppose its my duty to complain. First off my useless scamp of a computer which I already hated as it ran on the worst computer platform ever, the abomination that is windows 10. I mean it didn’t even have Microsoft Word, you have to pay for it after a month of free usage, and start engine is a mess, its privacy statement is messed up, my settings are being tempered with always making my default search engine
f*cking yahoo instead of google, and to top it all off the idiotic thing had to go and malfunction right in the middle of me writing my essay evaluation which I have to give in tomorrow of 1000 words of which I’d done 600… All of that gone in a second. With that and the former glitches with YouTube and other websites unable to perform properly, it was obvious I had a virus. I dont know how or why, as i didnt download anything except for Steam, I have a hunch that it got in when I was watching glee some link might’ve caused a problem… Yes I started glee, I wanted to know what all the fuss was about ok ಠ_ಠ ¯°_o)/¯ but anyway Brilliant right? Absolutely fantastic… Okay I’m kind of ashamed to say this but I did almost have a panic attack because the evaluation is due Wednesday and I started envisioning myself with all Fs and living in depression with no job or anything really, and you know one thing stumbles to another and… yeah, but the key word here is almost, but I didn’t and Im determined to go this year without a single one. So that happened, and what’s makes it worse is that I can’t complain about this computor as it was from my grandma and auntie given to me on my birthday (I won’t even go into that day, it was defiantly not a sweet sixteen, all I’ll say is that involved a fight, an ‘accident’ , and lots of ice) from america. Yeah this piece of shite was from america, so you’d think it’d work better than the my cheaper and BETTER Compaq mini (which I loved by the way, it was amazing until something went haywire with the battery… Maybe its just me, infecting everything with bad luck, honestly I would not be surprised). I asked my uncle if he could come pick me up and take me to the tech shop which he said yes to and said he was coming to pick me up, I waited hour three hours. He had guests over… Well i wouldn’t be mad if you’d just said that and I didn’t have to wait for so long fully dressed //side note, my dad is not around, because some personal stuff that I’m not talking about and my mom doesn’t know the shops/roads properly and cant drive me//. So yes, now unfortunately my posts might be a bit messy, or not how I want it as the WordPress app on my phone is not the best. I can’t really edit on it. And to top the day with with a pretty little cherry, my mom was also in a bad mood + me in a bad mood = BAD. So we did end up having a go at each other, perfect end to the day don’t you think? F*cking beautiful
Wow, this year defiantly felt like it was going to be packed and it did not disappoint. All these awesome marvel and Disney movies coming out (yes I’m a huge marvel geek and yes, I am the only adult you saw waiting line for Finding Dory), leap year, Olympics and on the more depressing side, the death of a beloved actor (Alan Rickman) , rock star (David Bowie) and author (Harper Lee). But aside from those universal things everyone is experiencing, personally its also GCSE year, the year that’s going to determine which way my entire life will go from here on out… No pressure or anything. Also the year which I feel the most unravelled emotionally and accually have feelings??? Why is it that the most academically important year of your life is also the year your riddled with hormones and are really starting to discover who you are. Good thing about this year is that I feel the most mentally healthy than in a long time, I still suffer from social anxiety but by no means to the extent of which I used to. I really hate cliches but I have to say it- I really want this to be my year. I’ve always thought that was a weird kind of phrase, like what do you actually mean? But yeah I guess I just want this to be a memorable year, hopefully happy one with lots of “adventures” and hopefully productivity. I dont know (heads up, that phrase is going to around alot). I’m just feeling a lil odd these days, kinda emotional which is a surprise because I’m really not an emotional at all, I mean I’m not a robot or like a offensive Sheldon cooper kind of person, I understand social conventions and how people felt I just was very numb of my own. To be honest I don’t really care about my own feelings, because honestly I’m very lucky in terms of the world and others really are more in need of attention than me, I don’t need it. Yep I’m going on a rant now, where was this supposed to go its an absolute mess this should be in the rant catogary… No I’m making a new catogary
PS- sorry this is so un organised and just a general mess, I’ll get better